24 Sep
Starting a conversation with an aging parent about estate planning can feel overwhelming, but it is one of the most important discussions that you and your parent can have when it comes to the legacy that they hope to leave behind.
Many parents shy away from this topic because it forces them to confront difficult issues like illness, incapacity and death. Adult children may hesitate to engage in this kind of discussion as well, as they may understandably be worried about seeming intrusive or focused on any inheritance that may be coming their way. Still, approaching this kind of conversation with care and empathy can better ensure that a parent’s wishes are honored and that their family is spared confusion or conflict later. As a result, it is an effort worth making.
An act of love and concern
One of the best ways to begin is by framing estate planning as an act of love and protection. Either a newly created or newly updated will, trust and power of attorney are documents that are not only concerned with distributing assets but also healthcare decisions, guardianship matters and financial responsibilities handled in accordance with a parent’s wishes. It’s important to put these documents into place in enforceable ways before a parent’s capacity has the potential to diminish significantly.
For adult children, it may help to choose a calm, private setting and to let parents know that the goal is to support them, not control them. Simple, open-ended questions such as, “Have you had the chance to review your will recently?” or “Is there anything you would like us to know about how you want things handled in the future?” can gently open the door. Listening carefully and respecting their autonomy is necessary, as the parent should always remain in charge of the process.
Most adults in the U.S. don’t have a plan in place at all. But even parents who have some documents on file may need their adult children to “check in” with them. Parents who drafted documents years ago may not realize that updates are needed to ensure that their wishes are still legally enforceable. Encouraging them to meet with a skilled legal team can reassure them that everything will be reviewed thoroughly and in line with their goals.
By approaching this subject with compassion, patience and respect, families can navigate this conversation in a way that strengthens trust and creates greater security for the future.